Aizen gets killed by Don Kanonji
by UNseated4TH
Summary: A series of oneshots in which Aizen gets killed by some of the least likely characters. Chapter 8: Lieutenant Sasakibe, Lieutenant Aizen, a bottle of sake and a darwin award nominee. What could go wrong?
1. Aizen gets killed by Don Kanonji

**Aizen gets killed by Don Kanonji**

Aizen chuckled silently to himself from his position high above Karakura Town. Those fools…thinking they could take him on. How naïve, to think that their power could even almost compare to his supreme might. The difference was like that of Heaven and Hell, and if he wanted, Aizen could have easily just swept down and ended their miserable afterlives. But Aizen wouldn't do that just yet; he was having too much fun playing with his food. He took a look around. Only Kurosaki and the strongest of the Captains and Vizard remained standing. Everyone else lay about the carnage of the fake town, wounded and bleeding. Eventually, Retsu and Shunsui decided to release their Bankais. The shrill power, destructive force and spiritual pressure emitted between the two would be enough to wipe out the entire Spartan army five times over. But no, not Aizen. Aizen fought them for a while, soon causing them to retreat with his Shikai. That was when the old guy stepped forward. Aizen braced himself. Yamamoto may have been old, but that was precisely why he meant business. Especially if he went Bankai, which he only did on special occasions.

"Bankai!" said the old guy. Forget about the Spartan army, this guy could destroy the universe. Seriously.

Aizen's eyes narrowed. "Very well," he said, "I guess it's time for me to get serious too. Ban-"

However, the ex-Captain's long-awaited moment of crowning epic awesome was interrupted by a single cry of "Smells like bad spirits!"

And before Aizen knew what was going on, he was stabbed through the chest by a cheesy looking card-captor's style wand staff thing.

"Wh…at? Impossible!" was all Aizen managed, as his blood rained over Karakura town.

Kanonji wrenched the staff out, and Aizen's dead body swiftly plummeted to the earth below.

"Spirits are always with you!" chanted Kanonji, as he was ogled up upon by several Shinigami, "Bwahahahahaha!"

He then disappeared, to wherever it is he lives.

The Shinigami simply sat dumbfounded, starring at the spot Aizen and the strange human recently were. Yamamoto was left hanging in his Bankai.

"Sooo…" mused Shunsui, "Now what?"

End.


	2. Aizen gets killed by Yuzu Kurosaki

**Charliechick: Hey all! This was originally going to be a oneshot, but I decided to add more!**

**AIZEN GETS KILLED BY YUZU KUROSAKI**

Aizen smiled smugly as he stepped down from the gauganta, into Karakura Town. He didn't often investigate the Human World, but this was a special case. A soothing Autumn breeze blew an assortment of coloured leaves about the park he was standing in, as he looked up at the surrounding infrastructure. Yes, this town for sure. The residents would make the perfect ingredient for the king's key.

Aizen collected a gigai and continued walking along the main street. Whenever he came by a shop that tickled his fancy, he would go inside and take a look. He was just coming out of a shop labelled 'Rainbow Parade,' when he saw her. A little girl running a small stall, selling home-baked cookies. Realising he was hungry; Aizen decided he would buy one.

"Can I buy a cookie?" he asked the young girl, using the much played 'Nice Guy' act from back in Seireitei.

The little girl looked up at him with her big brown eyes and smiled. "Of course you can, sir!"

"What is your name?" asked Aizen.

"Yuzu Kurosaki."

Aizen briefly wondered if she was related to Ichigo, before accepting the cookie and sitting down to eat it.

The next few (and final) hours of Aizen's life were no fun. He encountered diarrhoea and constipation, as well as fungus. He went back to Hueco Mundo, where he died mid word, mid sentence, mid Espada meeting. Upon a later autopsy performed by Szayel, it was revealed that there was nothing wrong with Yuzu's cookies, but in fact The Great Aizen was dreadfully allergic to sunflower oil, which was used in the cookies.

Aizen was dead, and little Yuzu Kurosaki would never know that she had saved the Soul Society a hellava lot of problems.

Fin.

**Join us next time, when Aizen gets killed by Keigo and Mizurio~**


	3. Aizen gets killed by Keigo Asano

**Kris: Well I'll be damned. When I first wrote about Aizen getting killed by Don Kanonji, I never would have thought the two would ever even interact. Those of you who have read 411 would know what I am talking about.**

**In light of recent chapters, I have been given some good inspiration to write about Keigo killing Aizen. Mizurio will get his turn later. This chapter takes place right after 411, so spoilers of the most recent chapter…Oh! And thanks for the lovely reviews! They are very encouraging.**

**AIZEN GETS KILLED BY KEIGO ASANO**

Keigo ran as fast as he could along the deserted streets of Karakura town. Who the heck—no—just _what _the heck were those guys? And what did they have to do with Ichigo? Keigo knew only two things. These guys were dangerous. And powerful. He guessed they were the antagonists of this entire scenario.

Keigo grunted slightly as he pushed his legs to go faster and further. Chizuru wasn't any heavy in the slightest, but he really needed to put her down, so he could get back to Tatsuki and Michiru in time. If he didn't hurry they might already be…

Pushing the thought out of his mind, he placed Chizuru in some nearby bushes and turned back, running faster than before. What would he do once he got there? He still had no idea. One thing was for certain and that was he couldn't take any of those two on, not by a long shot. They defiantly weren't human he thought, especially that one with the long hair. As Keigo came closer and closer to where he knew his friends and the two strange men were, he gained a sudden idea. If he were to go across the intersection on his right instead of straight ahead, he could approach the two men from behind, and perhaps stall them long enough for Tatsuki to run away with Michiru. It was worth a shot and wouldn't take much longer. He could already sense both girls hadn't been harmed, and there was another presence there as well. Quickly running around the building, he was able to approach the men from behind. He noticed Don Kanonji was there, waving his magic stick about. Also there was that hot chick who turned up at his class once. Slightly side tracked, Keigo didn't notice where he was running until he tripped. Instinctively trying to stop his fall, he instantly grabbed for the closest thing he could reach. Which just happened to be Aizen's new mullet. Now where Keigo tripped, there just happened to be an open manhole. And so Keigo Asano pulled The Great Aizen down in to the abyssopelagic depths of Karakura town…

…

Almost an hour later, Tatsuki, Michiru, Chizuru, Rangiku, Don Kanonji and Gin all crowded around, staring into the deep, dark manhole. Think 'Holes' movie poster.

"Do…do you think they survived?" asked Michiru, wiping sleep from her eyes.

"I don't feel Aizen's riestu anymore…" said Rangiku.

"What about Asano?" asked Tatsuki.

"Your friend was only a human," said Gin. "I doubt he could survive a fall like that, likely into shallow water below."

There was a sad moments pause, before an ominous hand arose from the manhole. The six instinctively took a step back. The hand grabbed the edge of the manhole and pushed up to reveal…Keigo!

"Keigo!" cried Chizuru, glomping him even though she likes girls. "How did you survive?"

"I really owe it to the guy with the mullet," said Keigo. "He cushioned my fall, and then a shark came and ate him."

"Well in that case…" began Rangiku. "AIZEN'S DEAD!WHOOO-OUCH! My guts! Gin, be a dear and lead me to 4th division, will you?"

"Yes, Ran-chan" Gin replied, taking her and leaving for 4th Division.

This left the five humans gathered around the manhole.

"Wall that's some strong technique you have there, Sonny" Kanonji said, turning to Keigo. "That was a crazy strong spirit you defeat."

"I can't believe you did it…" was all Tatsuki said.

"Well…uhhh…it was nothing," said Keigo.

"For this," said Kanonji, "You are to become my #1 pupil!"

"Wait…isn't that Ichigo's job?"

"Not anymore."

"Speaking of Ichigo, where is he?" Chizuru asked.

"…"

…

It was a weird sensation. Stepping out into the world for the first time in what felt like three months, only for an hour to have passed in real time. Ichigo jumped out of the Senkaimon in the middle of Karakura town, his father close behind.

"Alright!" he said. "I've perfected the final Getsuga Tenshou! Boy that Tensa Zangetsu and Hollow me are tough. And their love child they made for me is a BEAST! Now where's that Aizen, I need to kill him."

"Easy now, Ichigo," said Isshin. "Don't distract yourself."

Ichigo nodded, then noticing a group of partying Shinigami all around Keigo. A number of the Karakura residents had awoken and were either wondering what was going on, or partying with the Shinigami for the hell of it. Mostly both.

"Keigo!" shouted Ichigo. "What the heck is going on?"

"I don't know!" answered Keigo. "I accidentally killed some guy with a mullet and a dress and now everyone thinks I'm a hero."

"Wait," said Ichigo. "You accidentally killed some guy…"

Nod.

"With a mullet…"

Nod.

"And a dress…"

Nod.

"What you killed Aizen?"

Nod.

"What? You mean I-for three months I-"

Ichigo then went and found a nice emo corner to grow mushrooms in.

"Well that was anti-climatic…" said Isshin, as he went to join the party.

_**Join us next time for Aizen Gets Killed by a Filler Character Take #1: The Bount!**_

**Kris: I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! I have actually already written the next chapter, in fact I wrote it before I wrote this one, haha xD It's a lot shorter than this one though.**

**Please review and see you soon!**

**-Kris**


	4. Filler character take one: The Bount

**A/N: Wow, I'm surprised and happy at all the feedback! Thanks for all they great reviews, guys. Also, I'd like to make a promotion before the shenanigan gets underway (however small it may be). I have a new fanfic named 'Because of the Night Sky.' Its not really crack, but its got funny parts. Its about Starrk and Lilynette, because they don't get enough love. If you like them, you'll like the story, so please go check is out if you're interested!**

**And now…it begins…**

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**Aizen Gets Killed by a Filler Character Take 1 – The Bount**

The Bount's method of killing Aizen is the simplest, but perhaps cruellest of the lot.

All they do is lock Aizen in a room with their featured filler arc on replay. It doesn't take long. Poor Aizen.

_**Join us next time, when Aizen gets killed by Hanatarou!**_

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**A/N: Did anyone actually like the bounts?**

**Since this chapter was so short, I'll post Hana's one on Wednesday at the latest. It's longer as well, but that's not hard.**

**I saw Toy Story 3 the other night :3**

**Gah, my author's notes are longer than the actual chapter…**

**See you soon!**

**-Kris**


	5. Aizen gets killed by Hanatarou Yamada

**A/N: Hey guys! Thankyou for your reviews. I didn't like the Bount arc either. Filler characters don't have souls. One of the few good parts was where Ichigo fell on Renji and everyone thought they were gay. Hehehe…**

**Aizen Gets Killed by Hanatarou Yamada**

"Oh no!" Hanatarou panicked, running through the halls of Las Noches. "I'm not lost again, aren't I? Why do they have to run away so quick, they know I can't use shunpo."

It had been relatively peaceful, before large surge of riestu had caused all around him to quickly depart to the source of the monstrous pressure. Ideally, Hanatarou would be getting as far away from it as he could, but seeing as he was here by himself in the middle of Hueco Mundo, any company that wasn't hollow-related would be strongly reassuring. On the bright side, it wasn't as though it would be hard to find anyone; all that was to do was follow the immense riestu. The difficult thing however, was…well, getting there. Las Noches had many twists and turns, was huge and looked very much the same. The trick was to get out of the huge maze.

_Oh well…_thought Hanatarou. _I'll be out eventually…_

About ten minutes later, Hanatarou happened across a room with many computer screens. Upon closer inspection, the screens depicted many places across Hueco Mundo. There were cameras in the meeting halls, in the Espada's personal quarters, in the showers, in the kitchens and more.

_Wow…_thought Hanatarou. _Aizen sure is a stalker…_

But Aizen's level of stalkerism didn't end there. There were also apparently cameras in the Seireitei. In the captain's meeting hall, in all division's barracks, in the sewers, in Byakuya's house and in the bathrooms. Hanatarou also noticed a small screen showing a long dark, enclosed pathway.

"That must be the Dangai," Hanatarou observed, taking a few steps closer to it. That was, until he tripped over his own feet.

"Wow!" Hanatarou grabbed hold of the computer's keyboard in order to keep upright. In doing so however, he accidentally pushed the 'Amplify' button.

"What will that do?" Hanatarou wondered out loud. "I'd better go before I get caught…"

…

Aizen smugly entered the Dangai, Gin close behind him.

"…Feels rather nostalgic, doesn't it?" he said to his silver haired partner.

"Sure does," Gin replied.

A rumbling then sounded from behind them. They turned to see the cleaner coming their was.

"That ain't good," observed Gin. "Let's get goin' Cap'n Aizen."

Aizen however, had other ideas.

"Cap'n Aizen," Gin said again, a slight layer of nervousness detectable in his usually sly composure. "Let's get out of here quick."

But no, Aizen wasn't listening. He simply would not let this ideal opportunity to show off go to waste. Feeling epically awesome, he strode toward the immense being, ignoring Gin's calls. He stood there coolly as the cleaner approached. It became closer and closer until…

Omnonnom!

It ate Aizen up, and burped out his new disco boots.

_Oopsies…_thought Gin, as he quickly shunpoed away from the creature and towards Soul Society. _Someone must have amplified that things power…or Aizen over estimated himself…oh dear._

…

The cleaner does not kill its victims, but rather drops them off in a completely different time. Aizen's body will be found clogging up a toilet pipe main in Mexico City, 2136. Oh boy…

**Join us next time when Aizen gets killed by Mizurio!**

**A/N: Hope you liked that! When my sister and I read the part in the manga with the cleaner, we both thought it would have been funny if it actually ate him…so that's how the idea for this one was born xD So many possible ways for him to die 8D Oh, and Toy Story was great too btw, if you haven't seen it yet, you should. Its funny ;)**

**-Kris**


	6. Aizen gets killed by Mizurio Kojima

**A lot of this chapter is from 413, though I changed it a bit, as you'll see ;)**

**I keep listening to 'Change' by Miwa. In fact I've listened to it so many times now I know all the words. It's used as the newest opening of Bleach for those of you who don't know, which includes some of the best scenes from last year's manga. I suggest you go and give it a watch if you haven't already, or download the song, so you can listen to it heaps and learn all the words so you can be cool like me.**

* * *

**Aizen gets killed by Mizurio Kojima**

Karakura town was quiet. Too quiet…And a little out of place as opposed to its usual geographical location.

By a 'little', I mean, dig the entire town out of the ground, and dump it in the Soul Society sort of thing. You know, nothing unheard of. Personally, I find it annoying when this happens in my town. There was this one time, when I wanted to catch the train to Sydney. I walked out my door, only to find that the city of Wollongong had been scooped off the face of the Earth, and landed in the Soul Society, for a routine test of town transfer. Sydney, unfortunately, is not a part of Wollongong, so I just sat there, in outer Rukongai, twiddling my thumbs, writing this fanfic and enjoying the view for a number of hours, before the developers had had their fun and sent the town back to its original ground. Bloody Shinigami…

ANYWAYS, this time it was Karakura town's turn. However, this was not a drill. It was the real deal. Due to the fact that all Soul Society's best and greatest hadn't been able to do a thing against Aizen, it now all came down to a collection of school students and a rampant TV star.

"…So, what's the situation?" Tatsuki asked, as she and the others crouched in hiding, in a quiet alleyway just out of the city's main infrastructure.

"I heard most of it from Keigo," Mizurio answered calmly, yet in a voice barely above a whisper. "I guess the most important thing now is that our lives are being targeted."

There was an intense silence, before Mizurio spoke again, his voice louder this time. "Therefore, I got a stun gun for each person!"

"Where did you get those from?" questioned Tatsuki, before she continued. "Forget about it. Its useless, he can paralyze us just by getting close," she gestured to Don Kanonji, positioned just behind her. "Even Kanonji's staff turned to ash as soon as he got near."

Mizurio paused for a moment, stun gun still in hand, as Kanonji whined something about "Not a staff, it's a stick!"

"So he's that much of a cheater, huh?" Mizurio commented, as he dumped the stun guns to the side. "Inhuman. Guess I'll leave these behind."

Tatsuki's attention however, had been diverted to the uncharacteristically cowering red-haired girl, who looked simply petrified.

"What's wrong, Chizuru," Tatsuki asked. "You look all spaced out."

Words seemed to have temporarily left the usually flamboyant lesbian. "…O…Of course I am!" she started. "I'm in a total daze! None of this makes any sense! Why are you people acting so calmly? You're hiding something I don't know about, aren't you? Explain yourselves!"

There was a silence amongst the others, before Tatsuki began. "…Well…"

However, the explanation was immediately cut off, as an immense, crushing pressure suddenly intruded on the small alleyway, and an expression of horror was traded amongst the escapees.

"He's here…"

"Wh-What?" demanded Chizuru desperately. "What's here?"

"I don't understand enough to explain, either!" yelled Tatsuki. "Just stand up! We're running!"

"Y-you'd better give me an explanation later!" said Chizuru. "It's fine if I can't understand it!"

As the group began further up the alley, Mizurio quickly and calmly picked a glass bottle of something out of one of the crates he'd taken.

"Hurry!" shouted Keigo. "Just head into these corridors! We'll go around behind these buildings and go to the edge of town, so we can't be found!"

However, no sooner had the group rounded the first turn, a daunting figure descended upon them, and all they could do was look on in shock. It was…Aizen.

"What…what is that?" Chizuru asked in fear.

"Are you expecting me to say 'I found you'?" Aizen taunted as he began walking forward. "Wrong. I simply stopped pretending to search for you."

A sudden 'whooshing' sounded through the air, as a glass bottle was hurtled in Aizen's direction, though it disintegrated upon nearing him, as though Aizen had an invisible layer of force surrounding him. Tatsuki and Keigo turned to see Mizurio, still in throwing stance looking on in mild disbelief.

"Uwah…" he breathed. "It really did turn to dust."

Aizen smiled at the human's ignorance.

"Hmmm…" supplied Mizurio indifferently. "How about this then?"

He reached into his bag and pulled out a brick, proceeding to plummet it toward the evil overlord. Again, the projectile vaporized to ash.

"That didn't work either? Perhaps this then…"

Mizurio reached into his bag again, pulling out a bucket of cement. "Lets see how you handle this," he said, as he hurled the hefty weight Aizen's way. Aizen chuckled as he again vaporized the object with his immense spiritual pressure.

Mizurio narrowed his eyes. "I see…" he said. "Seems I have a challenger…"

…

Half an hour passed. The other humans had left for free KFC, and this left Mizurio in a one-sided hurling duel against Aizen. Aizen was bemused, as Mizurio continuously sprung new wonders from his bag. A computer desk. A cat. Water from a bucket. The bucket the water came out of. A cow.

Aizen's eyes filled with near-astonishment as a bathtub filled with water came his way. Just what did this kid keep in his bag?

A toilet. A kitchen sink. Justin Bieber. A copy of Zombiepowder. A hairdryer.

Aizen yawned, as a wheel-barrow came at him. Nothing would reach him.

"Done yet?" Aizen questioned.

Mizurio shook his head. "Not quite."

Quickly, he produced from his bag a stuffed pokemon toy. Once again, the effort was useless.

Aizen laughed wholeheartedly. "Don't tell me you thought a mere plush toy could do any damage against me."

Mizurio grinned. "There is one last thing in this bag of mine."

Aizen laughed. "Well come on then. Throw it at me."

"'Kay."

Aizen was never aware of the ill that would befall him. The last thing he ever saw was an ominously crude, and questionable plush toy soaring towards him, before he aguishly cried, "Arrrrrghhh! My eyeballs!" as he withered away with the wind.

…

Mizurio casually strode over to where the plush toy was now lying and picked it up.

"That guy was tough…" he said, looking at the toy in his hands. "I didn't think I'd have to resort to using you.."

Keigo came out of a nearby alleyway, chewing on a chicken drumstick. "Uhhhh…Mizurio…" he said in a questioning tone.

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you have that thing?"

"What thing?"

"That…_thing_?" Keigo gestured to the plushie. "A Charlotte Cuulhorn resureccion plush…seriously, who would want something like that? I'm starting to worry about you."

Mizurio stood and turned to his friend. "When you're a man on a mission, you must be open to all things. Because when it comes down to it, those things that disturb us most are the most powerful sources imaginable."

Mizurio turned, leaving Keigo to digest his words. Keigo looked on as his friend walked into the sunset.

_What a lame-ass excuse…_was all he could think.

_**Join us next time, when Aizen gets killed by Donochakka and Pesche!**_

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**Hey guys, hope you enjoyed that! I'll try and get the next one up soon. Please review!**


	7. Aizen gets killed by Donochakka & Pesche

**Kris: Hey guys! Thankyou everyone for the great feedback for last chapter, it was really appreciated!  
Now unlike some of the previous chapters, this one doesn't give anything away for the recent manga. The manga I referred to are chapters 307, 314 and 377 (which just happened to be in the latest anime). If you've read a certain part of my profile, you might just know how this scenario will unfold…**

**Aizen Gets Killed by Donochakka and Pesche**

Ruins, rubble and dust. This was all that remained of the Octava Espada's territory. Yet amongst all the carnage and destruction, a small group of people could be seen moving about in the aftermath of the battle.

"Nemu," the odd captain of the twelfth division called, as he located a certain point in the rubble. "Lets dig out of here."

"Yes, Mayuri-sama," Nemu responded obediently, standing up from the ground and wandering over to the spot her master was indicating to.

She quickly set her arm into the drill-like function she'd been installed with, and began scouring away at the ruins that lay before her. However, not long into this procedure, movement could be heard from within the rubble. Before…

"Tadaaaaaaaa!"

From the rubble burst Donochakka and Pesche, who had almost come in somewhat useful in the scuffle against Szayel Apollo-Granz, before becoming buried in the collapse of part of the building and completely forgotten about before Mayuri and Nemu were even on the scene. But they didn't care about that now.

"The Great Desert Bros. 2/3 return!" declared Pesche. "That's right! Those who had been here until all of a sudden have made a beautiful revival for the sake of those who had worried so laboriously!"

Nemu however, was still on her mission; to eliminate everything in her path.

"Waaah!" the two ex-fraccion quickly avoided the drill arm ploughing their way.

"Wait wait wait, calm down!" said Pesche frantically. "I know you've never seen us before so you might not understand, but we're your allies! Allies!"

"They're in our way," observed Mayuri, "Just dig through them."

Pesche desperately tried to bargain further. But it was to no avail.

"Gyaaaaaa!" both Donochakka and Pesche disappeared into the Las Noches sky, much like Team Rocket in one of those old Poke'mon episodes.

…

"Can you hear me? Invading enemy."

Any one of the Shinigami now positioned in Hueco Mundo could have placed that cruel, twisted voice that dripped with deceit. It was Aizen. And he was using Tenteikura to speak to them all, in their various locations, at once. This couldn't be good.

"To those who have successfully defeated members of the Espada, I would like to express my respect," continued Aizen. "But more than that, we are starting our invasion of the human world. Inoue Orihime has been left in the 5th tower. If you want to save her, come and get her."

After further gloating, Aizen stepped out into Karakura Town alongside Gin and Tousen.

"We will destroy Karakura Town, create the King's Key, and assault Soul Society. As for all of you, I will deal with you after everything is over."

…

"Arrrrggghhhh!"

It had been at least 3 hours since that Nemu chick had thrown them into the air, yet Donochakka and Pesche were still throttling through the Las Noches skies.

"Hey Pesche!" Donochakka called, almost accustomed to the wind rushing through their masks. "How much longer?"

"I don't knoooo-oh no!"

It seemed that in their endless hurtle through the sky, they had finally reached the wall of Las Noches' massive dome. Impact was impending.

"Gyaaaa!"

Thinking quickly, Pesche grabbed on to Donochakka. "Desert Brothers Super Garganta! Now!"

Quickly, the two Arrancar opened a garganta, disappearing into it in an instant. They suddenly appeared in the human world and began falling through the sky…

Meanwhile, 400 feet below, Aizen was playing one of his favourite games: Taunt the Enemy with your Assholish Ways. He smirked at the Vizards gathered around him. He had been torturing them with words for the past few minutes, and it was simply delightful to him to watch as they grew more and more agitated. Finally, he moved in for the big kill.

"What are you afraid of?" he taunted. "You have all been dead…since that one night one hundred years ag—oophh!"

SPLAT.

The Vizard and Shinigami's gazes descended on the spot Aizen had plummeted to, to see that he had apparently made a very good cushion for two arrancafied beings.

"Ahhh, good thing this guy was here to break our fall," Pesche commented, bouncing slightly on the body he was sitting on.

"I know," replied Donochakka. "It's—oh crap! It's Aizen! He'll kill us!"

Quickly, the two ex-fraccion jumped off.

"Ahh, he won't kill us…" sighed Pesche, relieved. "He's dead. I think we killed him."

However, being a form of hollow, the two now had a number of highly suspicious Shinigami regarding them.

"Wait wait wait, calm down!" said Pesche frantically. "I know you've never seen us before so you might not understand, but we're your allies! Allies!"

"This all sounds too familiar," noted Donochakka. Ah, the struggles of being a Shinigami-sided Arrancar.

**Join us next time, when Aizen gets killed by Karin's friends!**


	8. Aizen gets killed by Chojiro Sasakibe

**Kris: Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been kinda busy. Yes, I know I said that this chapter would feature our dear Ai-chan getting done-in by Karin's friends, but I couldn't come up with anything that would work properly at this stage. However, I have a plan for a future chapter that will prominently feature them, so don't you worry. For now, enjoy Sasakibe's chapter (1st Division lieutenant). Also, you may have noticed I've changed my pen name slightly. In due time, I plan on changing it entirely to UNseated4TH, but am keeping the Charliechick in there for now so people know who I am.**

**Anyways, on with the chapter!**

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**Aizen Gets Killed by Chojiro Sasakibe**

Chojiro Sasakibe had been lieutenant of the first division for a respectable amount of time, and guessed he would be so for quite a while to come. So he smiled as the young, newly appointed fukutaicho of the fifth division slowly made his way to the lieutenant meeting. Sosuke Aizen was his name. While he'd never actually had a conversation with the other lieutenant before, they had passed each other on rounds a number of times, said the odd hello, and attended similar celebrations and meetings.

A few moments later, the meeting began without a fuss. Lieutenant Yadomaru went over the meeting's procedurals as always, before Lieutenant Kuchiki and Lieutenant Kotsubaki gave a report on a recent mission. Lieutenant Kuna whined about something or rather, before Lieutenant Yamada told her to shut up. The meeting concluded with nothing out of the ordinary occurring.

Sasakibe was looking through some documents sometime later, when a knock came to his door. "Enter," he commanded, expecting a subordinate.

However, it was not a subordinate, but rather Sosuke Aizen of the fifth division.

"Lieutenant Aizen!" Sasakibe said in surprise. "What brings you here?"

"I've come for…advice, sir," Aizen replied with a small, unfaltering grin. It was kinda creepy.

"Oh?"

"You've been a Lieutenant far longer than I have," Aizen noted. "I was thinking I could get a couple of pointers from you."

Sasakibe smiled. "By all means!" It was good having his services recognised once in a while.

A number of minutes later, the two lieutenants sat at the table, a bottle of sake between them. Sasakibe wasn't too sure what Aizen was after anymore; as soon as the younger lieutenant had taken a sip of the cherry sake, he'd gone kinda funny.

"Ahhshnd, tha's why Shhhhinji made hish lieutenant me, ya know?" the drunken Aizen drawled after a long drunken ramble about something or rather. "Noww I makesh baby out of shingami nd hallow…"

"I think the sake is affecting your brain," Sasakibe noted.

Long story short, Aizen drank for hours longer. Until it really did start affecting his brain. He would have died of alcohol poisoning, had Sasakibe not also gotten drunk and dared him to challenge the Sogyoku hill execution bird while naked and armed with a pair of underwear on a stick. That killed him instead.

His death was recorded in the Soul Society's very own Darwin awards records.

Hollowfication was unheard of, and those that may have otherwise undergone it or been exiled for being involved happily stayed at their posts in the Soul Society. Everything was peaceful.

Little did Sasakibe know, that had he not bought out the sake, Aizen's seemingly nonsense drunken ramblings would have become a reality…

* * *

**_Join us next time, when Aizen gets killed by Ochi-sensei!_**

**Kris: After writing this, I realised that without Aizen, Bleach would pretty much be non-existant xD Ahh, Sasakibe…If you've seen the anime's Zanpakto arc, his sword gets even more screen time in that one arc than he ever does…the only reason he's in this story is because he hardly gets any screen time. His zanpakto powers are pretty cool though.**

**Anyways, I have a new multi-chapter story going! Its called 'The Espada Friendship Reconstruction Program' and I plan on updating it soon, so check it out ;) Thanks for reading, and see ya next time!**


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